Alex Whitington's Page

Tell us your story:

Once Upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived atop a mystical mushroom in the cloud kingdom. While walking her pet potato on a fine spring day, she passed the evil wizard Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady on the path.
"Good day to you, The Evil Wizard Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady" said the Princess with that irritating little shrill bit at the end of the sentance that teenage girls sometimes do
"Isn't it a beautiful day?"
"A beautiful day for a beautiful girl, your highness" said Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady and, thinking quickly, added "Of course...the day is not at the MOST beautiful it could be. Why, the sun is partly covered by that cloud and there's a strong easterly wind and intermittant showers in the north-east."
The princess looked nonplussed
"I'm not sure cwhat you mean Mr. Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady..." she started
"Well, I'm saying is that no matter how beautiful something is it can always be made beautiful-er...Take...er...well..." Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady indicated the princeeses general area
"I...I'm not" The princesses eyes filled with shock "Oh my God! Is this about my asymmetrical forearms?!!"
It was all the wizard to do to force back his wicked smile. He raised his hands in mock-apology (not to be confused with Mockology which is a scientific discipline...probably)
"Oh, no. No. I'm sorry if I...You know what, forget I said anything..."
"It's my knee's isn't it? My knee dimples are abnormally high, I knew it!"
"Really...I wasn't going to say anything...I'm sure no-one could even notice your weird knees and... upper body so lopsided it borders on deformity in a ...reasonably dark...coffin...or your slight little muffin-top there."
The princess felt around her midriff and was shocked to find that it would be nigh-impossible to crack a mans head open on her abs
"Jesus fucking cuntcakes taking a shit, you're right! I am fat!"
"Oh, you're just big boned...and big-lipped?"
"My lips?"
"They stick out a bit, didn't you ever wonder why the people call you 'princess duckface'?"
"They call me that?!"
"Oh, never to your face!"
The Princess was overwhelmed by the revealation of her own hideousnessessness and curled up in a ball on the ground, squashing her pet potato flat.
"Oh shit...What do I do? How can I ever go outside again?!"
Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady sat down next to her and put a friendly hand on her left breast.
"Well..." he said, as if the thought had just occured to him "There is one thing you could do..."
"Oh, I'd do anything!" the cprincess cried, starting to sob "Please good, kind, brutally honest Wizard tell what the one thing is!!"
Zargorathatronhonkllamanevermorejimbosplatmlady was there! Instantly he launched into salesman mode and whipped a pamphlet out from his robes.
"This pamphlet will tell you everything you need to know about Cosmetic sorcery. Quick, safe and only ,mildly satantic procedures ensure you get the results you want every time! Drop by my evil tower of evil wizardry for a free consultation!"
And with that he vabished, in a puff of silicone.
The moral of the story is: If you're confident in your body image, then you're clearly just not looking hard enough. Do something about it, you fat cow.
THE END

Hometown:

Hertfordshire

Personal Website:

http://eggheadcheesybird.co.uk

Portfolio Site:

http://eggheadcheesybird.deviantart.com

About Me:

I am.

Favorite Cartoons:

TV: The Powerpuff Girls, Invader Zim, Home Movies, Duckman, FLCL, Hellsing, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Count Duckula, Dr. Katz, Futurama, Paranoia Agent
FILM: Dead Leaves, My Neighbor Totoro, Spirited Away, The Incredibles, The Tune, Cats Don't Dance, Lilo and Stitch, Toy Story

Favorite Films:

Braindead, Fight Club, Ed Wood, Brazil, The Frighteners, Re-Animator, El Mariachi, Spiderman 2, Kind Hearts and Coronets, Trading Places, Dogma, Fargo, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Citizen Toxie, Tromeo and Juliet

Favorite TV Shows:

Tom Goes to the Mayor, Funland, Steptoe and Son, Blackadder, Tim & Eric Awesome Show, The Collector, Garth Merenghei's Darkplace

Favorite Comics:

The Maxx, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Halo and Sprocket, Angry Youth Comix, Bone, Girly, Scott Pilgrim, Gunnerkrigg Court

Favorite Books:

Good Omens, Discworld, Granny, The Curious Incident of the Dead Dog in the Night-time, The Men who Stare at Goats, The Animators Survival Kit, Adolf Hitler: My Part in his Downfall, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Favorite Artists or Illustrators:

Jamie Hewlitt, Katie Rice, Jessica Borutski, Sam Kieth, Josh Howard, Hiroyuki Imaishi, Leo Baxendale, Lauren Faust

Favorite Music:

They Might be Giants, R. Stevie Moore, Lemon Demon, Quasi, Zombina and the Skeletones, The Aquabats, The Magnetic Fields, Logan Whitehurst & The Junior Science Club, Little Tin Frog, Universal Hall Pass, Splashdown,

Favorite Robots:

Pfffft.